O c t o b e r   2 0 0 5

No time for love

You should be scared
Dear Dr. Jones
by GZO Jones

s it advice? Is it opinion? Or is it simply the monthly rant of a pompous, over-the-hill windbag? Whatever it is, it's been happening without fail since our very first year, 2001, when GZO Jones contacted us from his Brazilian retreat and hinted at a literary pedigree that reaches back to the Beats. So we offered him the job and he's amused us while remaining pithy and religiously reliable ever since. Plus, he works really cheap.

Dear Dr. Jones,

I'm married and bored and met this woman online. What now?

Herb in Chicago

Dear Herb,

I rarely mince words over relationships and simply offer this: Don't ever leave the one you love for the one you like, because the one you like will always leave you for the one they love.

– Jones

Dear Dr. Jones,

What's happening to the Supreme Court? I'm queer and scared to death.

Judicial Restraint

Dear JR,

Elections have consequences and, unfortunately, George W. Bush won the last one (I'm still not sure who won the one before that). To the winner goes the spoils and, therefore, it's up to the prez to nominate Supreme Court justices.

At the same time – and you might not believe what I'm about to say – I side with the prez on this one. It reminds me of the old saying about a broken clock being right twice a day: the country could probably do a lot worse than a Chief Justice Roberts.

Sure, he's conservative (um, what were you expecting?) but at least Mr. Roberts has had jobs other than running a glorified horse barn. He certainly seems to have a brain. He might even have a heart.

I hold my breath, however, waiting to see the next nominee. You should be scared.

Want improvement? Get off that sofa and start a grassroots movement. Make sure the '08 election has a different result. And, no, it's not too early!

– Jones

Dear Dr. Jones,

Will these hurricanes change things for the better? If yes, how long will it take?

Bayou Bob

Dear Bob,

Eventually, yes.

But the how and the when are up to us. In other words, don't expect this government to swoop in like some benevolent superhero savior. I mean, who starts a war then takes a five-week vacation? A million presidential photo ops in Louisiana won't make up for the let-them-eat-cake response in Katrina's immediate wake. And that's indicative of what's to come.

In fact, what the situation really calls for is watching all those billions like a hawk.

Beyond that, the human spirit is amazingly resilient. All it needs is a sliver of hope – then watch what happens. Better yet, find a way to get yourself involved on this one, too.

– Jones

Examine more advice from GZO Jones, visit his Web site and e-mail your question, large or small, to gzojones@hotmail.com.

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