N o v e m b e r   2 0 0 4

No time for love

As long as you're getting the goodies
Dear Dr. Jones
by GZO Jones

rom his backwoods outpost in Brazil, GZO Jones has been dispatching skewed musings and so-called advice since he contacted us by e-mail back in 2001. Ever since those halcyon days, Jones has hinted at some sort of literary pedigree reaching back to the Beat Generation. Sounds more like delusions of grandeur to us. Even so, the guy tickles us from time to time, he has yet to miss a deadline and he works awfully cheap.

Dear Dr. Jones,

Doncha think pro sports are fixed? I mean, come on ... that Yankees/Red Sox thing seemed like such a hoax.

Charlie Hustle

Dear Chuck,

Finally, something lives up to the hype and you want to put it down! Amazing!

Just for the record, I don't think it's so easy to fix baseball. Simply put, a guy in front of 50,000 people can't always hit a 95-MPH sphere 1-1/2 times the length of a football field at will – even if he knows the fastball is coming. And October's spate of ballgames often turned on such feats of bravura, one way or the other.

But even if it were possible, sometimes believing in Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy isn't such a bad thing. As long as you're getting the goodies and no one is getting hurt.

You sound very bitter. Enjoy your life.

– Jones

Dear Dr. Jones,

I keep reading that Osama's October surprise will work in Bush's favor. How can that be?

Interested Voter

Dear IV,

I don't know how it can be. But it probably be. Personally, I don't understand how any American voter – much less roughly half the electorate – can look at the last four years and vote for Bush. Hell, if I was bin Laden, I'd hire Bush as my marketing director.

Regardless, if you can somehow stomach more on the topic, please keep reading ...

– Jones

Dear Dr. Jones,

Well, a quick glance at the calendar suggests that this is probably my last chance to really make a case. Even while hunkered down in Brazil, I still love the good ol' U.S. of A. – not to mention the planet, the solar system and the universe at large.

So, once and for all ... why not Bush?

GZO Jones

Dear Me,

Folks, it might as well be Jerry Falwell, Pat Robertson or the Bakers.

And unless you act now, you're about to vote yourselves into four more years of "leadership" from a ruthless gang of self-servers led by a former Yale cheerleader who gets his instructions directly from God – and believes in world domination by any means necessary.

It's that long-rumored industrial-military complex coming home to roost – and run by a bunch of stumblebums.

As the young people say, what part of that don't you understand?

George W. Bush lost the last election by half a million votes, then stole it away with a governor for a brother and a right-leaning Supreme Court – and turned it into a mandate. Then he used 9/11 to move the country toward an obscene deficit, a ghoulish Patriot Act, an unholy war and arrogance and a disregard for the poor, the middle class, the environment and the rest of the world.

Here's one I heard: Those in favor of the Bush tax cuts might as well be choosing the mousetrap because of the cheese. Another: Just because you have a hammer doesn't mean every problem is a nail. One more: Politics is show business for ugly people.

That last one might actually be funny if not for the screaming reality. Bush's gang has done so many things wrong, lied all along – and endlessly invoked the name of God to do it.

And they still might win.

The U.S.'s next $200 billion ought to go toward alternative energy, health plans, finding a cure for AIDS and tying down some wide-open ports – not a war to secure other people's oil and a crusade to line rich people's pockets.

The rest of the world has come to really dislike America. The U.S. has the military might of the next 15 countries combined. That, along with the current path, seem to spell big trouble.

Any American president for the rest of time is going to pay proper attention to national security. How half the voters can be convinced that Bush has a monopoly on such is beyond me. But convinced they are. Heaven help us!

Friends, the rich people are taking over and the game is almost finished.

But just to show I can end on a lighter note, I'll leave you with the paraphrase of an old political saw: Recession is when your neighbor loses his job. Depression is when you lose your job. And recovery is when George W. loses his job.

Be well and spread some love,

– Jones

Examine more advice from GZO Jones, visit his Web site and e-mail your question, large or small, to gzojones@hotmail.com.

site design / management / host: ae
© 2001-2005 nwdrizzle.com / all rights reserved.