time for love
about the naked human form ...
do old Beats go to retire? GZO Jones headed for Brazil. We've found
scant documentation that he can even keep a beat, but that has nothing
to do with the fact that Jones always makes deadline and, one way
or another, never shies away from a question. He likes to consider
himself some sort of missing link between the 1950s and the new
century. We like to consider that he works cheap.
Dear Dr. Jones,
Can this publicity stunt with the Jackson girl's breast
really be so important that people are still talking about it?
To show you just how far the ripples of this farce have reached,
let me tell you about a little yearly celebration we here in Brazil
I was feeling so browbeaten about my glimpse of Janet's sun-crowned
nip that I actually had to leave the parade routes early. And not
because I had imbibed in too many pan-galactic gargle-blasters,
either. I was actually guilty!
The sight of all those bead magnets and their lack of costume
(malfunction-related or otherwise) almost made me sick to my stomach
for thinking about the naked human form, which is so sinful to contemplate.
I ran home and scourged myself, and when that did not remove the
core of sin from my soul, I went and watched that brand new Jesus
movie. Twice. And I didn't go to the bathroom in between.
So there you have it. The U.S. of A.'s dreadful faux-Victorian
morality has made the man who Kesey once called "the electric
Jim Beam de Sade" blanch and turn away like Whistler's mother.
(Whistler painted in the nude, and his mom's rigid profile is due
to the fact that she didn't want to turn to stone. Really.)
Dear Dr. Jones,
I admire your way with words.
But I will say this: As I read headlines saying
Social Security is going down while rich people's incomes are going
up, well, it's time for something other than your good ol' two-party
system. The world can't take another four years of the Bushies and
John Kerry seems like only slight improvement.
So until somebody truly qualified, like Hillary
or Oprah, takes a run for the world's most powerful job, I guess
my answer is: Ralph Nader? Why not!
The only problem, of course, is that without Raphie-boy
in the equation four years ago, we would now be looking at a far
Does that mean I'm of two minds on this thing?
Well, yes and no. I think that, yes, citizen Nader should join the
race to liven things up. But that no one should vote for him.
My girlfriend only wants to have sex after she smokes
weed. This seems like an insult ... or worse. Any advice?
Too High to Conjugate
Are you kidding me? A whiner like you is lucky
to have a girlfriend, much less one who wants to hop in the sack
with your kind!
So you'd prefer that she smoke weed and have sex
with someone else? Jesus, man! Did you never see "Annie Hall"?
(Which, by the way, would be a good movie for you to rent and study.
Because you clearly need to light, er, lighten up.)
Yeah, I've got some advice. Take a toke with your
girlfriend, or don't. But either way, count your blessings and live