J a n u a r y   2 0 0 4

No time for love

It's kissing babies, that's all
Dear Dr. Jones
by GZO Jones

here do old Beats go to retire? GZO Jones headed for Brazil. We've found scant documentation that he can even keep a beat, but that has nothing to do with the fact that Jones always makes deadline and, one way or another, never shies away from a question. He likes to consider himself some sort of missing link between the 1950s and the new century. We like to consider that he works cheap.

Dear Dr. Jones,

Is Bush serious about resurrecting the space race and putting more men on the moon?

Moonwalking Jackass

Dear Jacko,

Death Race 2000? Not exactly, but current events sometimes play like a bad Roger Corman movie.

Any average Joe (or Mustafa) can see that all this manly talk of thrusting into space always shows up at erection, er, election time. Our Chief of Chiefs probably wants to be identified with my charismatic old poker buddy who first predicted there would be a moonshot by '69. It's kissing babies, that's all. He'd start the program and leave the execution (and subsequent tragedy of dead astronauts) for the new administration.

Of course, if El Mustachio Grande had been caught a month earlier, we wouldn't have heard word one about the moon. What are we going to get from it anyway? A live feed on the net? I can think of plenty of sites that offer live feed already, and the moons they show are much more interesting.

So, since NASA probably won't be around much longer, I see a solution that'll save you American taxpayers lots of bling. Let the NSA take over! That way, you cut out the middleman in sending spy satellites and death rays into orbit. And just think, to change all their signage, they just have to put a piece of duct tape over that extra "A" ...

– Jones

Examine more advice from GZO Jones, visit his Web site and e-mail your question, large or small, to gzojones@hotmail.com.

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