No time for love

or more than a year now, GZO Jones has answered questions from our readers and it's usually the same old thing: we really have no idea where he's coming from. But he can be glib and oddly amusing, and he swears that back in the day he hung with the Beats. That's good enough for us because, aside from all else, he has yet to miss a deadline. Nevertheless, at last glance his Brazilian Web site (GZO Jones Town) still isn't saying much.

Dear Dr. Jones,

Where have all the good times gone?

Signed,
Kind of Blue

Dear Blue,

At first this struck me as yet another softball question, fashioned to egg me into waxing nostalgic about the '60s. Which I'm usually more than happy to do.

But at some point, as I've sifted through these correspondences each month, it occurred to me that yours, Blue, is the recurring theme. People at large are unhappy with their world and unsatisfied with their place in it.

I'm just a crusty old scribe, but here's what I know:

In the early '60s, Jack Kennedy said a man would land on the moon by the end of the decade and, by God, it happened. We didn't need to land a man on the moon, but it sure rallied the masses. And it sure felt good.

So why is no one now saying we must ween ourselves completely off of fossil fuel and develop alternatives by the end of the decade? Why aren't we throwing huge amounts of money at fuel cells and solar power? And creating all those jobs?

Why aren't we talking about legalization with taxation? The world needs to nurture people with wisdom and vision. Do these things seem obvious only to me?

Now, instead of a Jack Kennedy, there's a mediocre little man at the helm of the most powerful country the world has ever known. And all he wants to do is lower rich people's taxes and bomb the crap out of the Middle East. Might as well be Dan-boy Quayle.

That can't be what we're here for!

We need new leaders to step forward with steady nerves and daring ideas. And we need to learn not to trash them just for the sake of trashing.

Maybe, if we're lucky, the good times are simply on vacation. And maybe they'll be back as soon as the rich folk realize that it's more fun to share. But that's not always a lesson for this lifetime to teach. I won't hold my breath.

Meanwhile? Let's all be more creative and learn to make our own good times. That's an area in which your good doctor has come to excel. More on that in the months to come ...

– Jones

Dear Dr. Jones,

My girlfriend says she wants to try some "new positions." But just between you, me and the 11 people who read your column, I like the old position just fine. Who's right?? Help!!!

Signed,
Missionary Man

Dear Man,

You mock me then ask for my help? For starters, you'd do well to read the answer to the question above.

Beyond that, I'm guessing your girlfriend has already taken out an ad in the personals; you'd be wise to do the same. With a Neanderthal attitude such as yours, you're lucky to even have a girlfriend. But unless you start to show a little respect and at least the slightest sense of adventure, you won't have one for long. And the only position you'll need to concern yourself with is relative to the better of your own two hands.

There's your snappy, wise-ass answer. Now run along and show the gang in the freshman dorm. Don't you have studying to do?

– Jones