time for love
the Band-Aid off
passing of Ann Landers signals GZO Jones ascent up the crowded
ladder of neophyte advice givers. Hey, a rung is a rung. So rather
than dwell on his claims of living in Brazil, surviving a variety
of nasty ills and rubbing elbows with the best of the bygone Beats,
were just happy that his antics have yet to bring on any
litigation. Check out the GZO
Jones Town Web site to appreciate our concern.
Dear Dr. Jones,
What's the big deal with the stock market? I mean,
isn't it really the same as gambling, where the house is the only
real winner? And who the heck owns the house, anyhow?
Not Paul Allen
Dear Not Paul,
Maybe Paul Allen owns the house, maybe not, maybe
he pays too much for middling basketball talent. But this much is
for sure: he didn't become one of the richest little rich boys on
the planet by wasting time quizzing some crusty old man with a typewriter
on whether to put pennies in the stock market or not. Like some
half-brained underachiever on his way to this year's version of
the Gap with big daddy's plastic card in tow.
Better to do something with your life, and soon.
Losing money in the stock market is the least of your worries.
Dear Dr. Jones,
I've been freelancing for my girlfriend's company.
She'd been really happy with my results, but then we had this massive
work-related blow-up and now I think she's way off base. I'd quit
the gig to save the relationship, but I need the work. What to do?
Times is Tight
Much as Id like to, I cant even call
you a stupid, stupid man. Because no matter your gender (you never
quite say), youre clearly not a man.
What I do know is this: You werent
paying much attention when all the unfunny bromides were going around
(dont crap where you eat, the one about the company ink, et
al). So face the facts: You, me and your old lady
we all know this scene is deader than a big-mouth hippie at an Arkansas
What to do? Rip the Band-Aid off, you jackass.
Stop whimpering, find another job, get a new girl and learn yourself
the dang-blasted lesson. Times aint never that tight.