J u l y   2 0 0 2

No time for love

Still standing when the dust finally clears
Dear Dr. Jones
by GZO Jones

Each month GZO Jones adds to his own pungent aura by answering as many questions from our readers as he sees fit. He swears he lives in Brazil, was part of the Beat movement of the 1950s and ’60s and recently recovered from a lengthy coma. Want more? Check out the GZO Jones Town Web site – we’ve been there and all we have to say is ... he hits his deadline, so who are we to argue?

Dear Dr. Jones,

Now that Jesse Ventura says he isn't going to run for re-election, what are we supposed to do? Are there any real counterculture heroes left?

Puzzled in Portland

Dear Puzzled,

I sense that you use the word "real" to imply Ventura is a fake. Not so, friends, though I must digress. Perhaps you're also suggesting that your ever-lovable doctor is himself a fake? Let me assure you: most definitely not.

They said George Washington was replaced by an impostor and they were wrong. They said Leon Redbone and Frank Zappa were the same guy, but who kept touring after cancer got Zappa?

I think you see my point. Just because I reach out and touch you from the whimsical land of Brazil doesn't mean that I'm not real. While there won't be a Jesse Ventura to titillate us from the Minnesota governor's mansion anymore, he'll be somewhere doing something. And when the dust finally clears you can bet the manse that this doctor will still be among the standing.

– Jones

Dear Dr. Jones,

In the '60s, it seemed like pot would become legal – sooner rather than later. Now I'm not sure. I don't even smoke the stuff, but sometimes it seems I'm in the minority. And it just seems that prohibition never works, while legalization would solve lots of problems, from overcrowded prisons to tax deficits. What's your take?

Going to Pot

Dear Going,

My take? Twenty percent whenever the cartels use my back 40 as a staging area.

Seriously, I remember a time when a vibrant young president from Yorba Linda tried for universal legalization in Estados Unidos. I was right behind Tricky Dick on that one, and I've been disappointed with the U.S. of A. ever since the push stopped.

Nowadays, you don't have to wear a Peter Tosh T-shirt to be interested in ending the war on drugs. It seems obvious to me (and look at the historical precedent) that axing prohibition would be in everyone's best interest. So if you get a bee in your bonnet to be an activist on the issue, go ahead – you have my blessings. Just don't end up like the 37th prez and spit the bit when push comes to shove, as it certainly will.

– Jones

Examine more advice from Dr. Jones, visit his Web site and e-mail your problems, large or small, to gzojones@hotmail.com.

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