J u n e   2 0 0 2

No time for love

Fortified with empty calories
Dear Dr. Jones
by GZO Jones

Each month GZO Jones adds to his own pungent aura by answering as many questions from our readers as he sees fit. He swears he lives in Brazil, was part of the Beat movement of the 1950s and ’60s and recently recovered from a lengthy coma. Want more? Check out the GZO Jones Town Web site – we’ve been there and all we have to say is ... he hits his deadline, so who are we to argue?

Dear Dr. Jones,

Please settle a bet (my friend and I agree to let you decide): Who's a bigger liar, past President Clinton or present President Bush?

Lying In Wait

Dear Lying,

Yours is a tough one, in that politicians and their subterfuges can be debated like the relative “worth” of baseball players. Which brings up an interesting idea – we have baseball cards and serial-killer cards, why not five-to-a-pack politicos?

Each card could contain your various stats: waffling, vetoes, pardons, paramours ... even errors, caught stealing and yes, home runs. Of course the gum would taste nasty and be fortified with empty calories. Each pack would be incredibly expensive and worth not nearly as much as the pundits would have us believe.

As to the bet, you both lose. Make checks payable to Ralph Nader or Michael Moore (or GZO Jones). Your choice.

– Jones

Dear Dr. Jones,

Is rap "music" here to stay?


Dear U,

From a standard critical perspective, rap must persist – whatever its failings in the musical department. Because it holds two important virtues: One is a certain visceral power in brash behavior and violent imagery, and the second is that of fantasy and its power. There is no more self-confident music than rap, even if it is the most vituperative scene and style since the Delta blues.

Back in the day, I anticipated the next Malcolm X lecture like a Britney groupie with a backstage pass – as much for the medium as the message. I have always adored rap and its coat of many colors ... from a drunken William Burroughs versifying in the early ’60s, to the Sugarhill Gang and Steve Martin in the ’70s, then on through Ice T, NWA, Dr. Dre, Snoop Dogg, and now Outkast and DMX.

Surprised? Don’t be. The good doctor still has a few tricks up his sleeve. Here’s hoping rap does, too.

– Jones

Examine more advice from Dr. Jones, visit his Web site and e-mail your problems, large or small, to gzojones@hotmail.com.

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