time for love
rebellions are no longer shocking
Need a fresh perspective to get you through those difficult
moments of life and love? GZO Jones may just be your man. He corresponds
from Brazil while dealing with a series of health and visa issues
that may or may not be related to the 60s, but we think you'll
find his advice anything but foreign. Find out more at the GZO
Jones Town Web site. And dont be shy with your questions
... Dr. Jones has heard it all. You got a problem with that?
Dear Dr Jones,
Jesus, what's up with furries? Or plushies or whatever? I'm starting
to get sick of hearing about it.
To Hell With That
What's up? I'm not sure I can say. This is a recent movement
in the sexual revolution, and one to which I'm not particularly
partial. If you've never heard of them, here's a brief overview:
"Plushies" describes a rather unassuming childhood peccadillo
that of having sexual intercourse with a stuffed animal.
No matter how you slice it, it's still "taking matters into
your own hands." It would begin and end with that, but unfortunately
this pastime grew into something more strange ...
"Furries" takes the stuffed animal business into a
fourth dimension of weirdness. Large numbers of perverts will gather
together in animal costumes outfitted with strategic openings. You
can imagine what happens when someone switches on the Barry White
This bizarro practice is gaining steam, with coverage on MTV and
in the alternative press. My thinking is that the Internet has jaded
us to a point where our rebellions are no longer shocking, only
silly. So, that's what's up with furries.
On that subject, I do have a brief anecdote. At a Greenwich
Village masquerade ball in '91, I attended as a wild west outlaw
(black hat, duster, boots, etc.) but with the mask and gloves from
a gorilla suit. I chased a beautiful geisha girl for an hour and
a half before finally cornering her on a veranda and enjoying her,
Roman fashion. Never let it be said that I'm not talking from experience!
Dear Dr. Jones,
Normally I go in for literate, hot older guys. But the whole man-of-mystery
schtick is wearing kind of thin. What did you do to get exiled to
Brazil, and what does the GZO stand for? Who are you really? This
should be good ...
24-year-old Doubtful Disbeliever
Dear 24 DD,
I'm not going to tell you what I did to earn this tropical
luxury mansion that is my gulag. Rumor, threats and indictments
are all impermanent things, not unlike the wind. For me to describe
exactly what happened (and on the Internet, of all places) would
be the kiss of death. So, to stave off your curiosity, I'll offer
the following tidbits all of which you can take to
- I was born in Fort Oglethorpe, Ga.
- I attended seminary at the Collegio de St. Thomas Aquinas
- The Professor X marijuana essays, attributed to Carl Sagan,
were actually written by me.
- I own 13 classic Triumph motorcycles.
- I produced the knot on Lucien Carr's forehead with a carelessly
- In some parts of the Amazon, my title of "brujo"
gives me access to forbidden burial grounds.
That should keep you satisfied for now. And as for the GZO,
keep reading and you will be rewarded.