Guest
Writer
It's
the little things you notice
Mel
speaks!
by Jess
Gulbranson
He's rough around the edges, largely unpredictable, maybe even
a trifle rude. But throughout all
11 out-of-this-world chapters that Mel visited upon us last
year, you just can't help but love him. Can you? Nevertheless, with
our demi-hero in Portland for the holidays, we snagged a rare opportunity
to grab an interview. And so, without further adeau, heeeeerrrrre's
Mel ...
JESS GULBRANSON: Enjoying the rain, Mel?
MEL: What are you, some kind of smart aleck?
JG: Yeah, just a little joke to break the ice. How are things
progressing right now?
M: Like you don't know!
JG: Sure, I've been chronicling your adventures and misadventures
for a year now. But I have to ask you something.
M: It's your party, you can cry if you want to.
JG: [sighs] I can't believe I wrote you to be such a wiseass.
M:
JG: Anyway, I'll fill in for the purposes of the interview.
You're stranded here in Portland, an alternate version of Bridgetown,
which is your hometown in another dimension.
M: 'sright.
JG:
You came here with the legendary vampire-slayer Frank Burley, following
Smith, your green-sweatshirted evil twin. Both of them have been
killed by the vampire Vlad Tepes ... how are you dealing with that?
M: Smith can burn in hell. But Frank, well, he was a great
friend; I miss him terribly. Although I have this feeling that he's
not gone for good ...
JG: I have that feeling, too. Hey, did you know there's
a Frank Burley here in Portland? He's a punk rocker. I went to high
school with him. Any plans to look him up?
M: Nah, that'd be kinda weird. Look, I have ...
JG: ... a date with that redheaded girl in 15 minutes. I
know.
M: I'll never get used to you being the omniscient author.
That's just fucked up.
JG: We'll keep it short. You were saying?
M: Well, remember what Doubting Tom said about Frank?
JG: I should hope so. I wrote it.
M: [laughs] Who's the wiseass now? Anyway, he said something
along the lines of "There are a bajillion Franks out there,
all unlikely heroes." I'll run into him again, and probably
Vlad the Impaler, too.
JG: I have no doubt.
M: I don't like the sound of that. Anything you can
tell me?
JG: Hehehehehehe!
M: I like the sound of that even less.
JG: I've got plenty in store for you in the year to come.
Look, I'll let you get to your date, but answer this first: What's
it like being a dimension-hopping adventurer?
M: It's just like Barbarino said in "Pulp Faction":
"You know, it's the little things that you notice."
That's so true.
JG: Give anything good for Christmas?
M: You kidding me? I dropped the new Oggy Pip CD on all
my friends. I'm surprised a lot more people didn't think of it.
JG:
Mmm hmm. One last question: Ever gonna wash that red hoody?
M: It's not exactly up there with food, water and shelter,
but I'll make sure it happens. I've still got a reputation with
the ladies.
JG: Yeah, right. Good luck with that. Speaking of which,
get outa here and give my best to the redhead. You'll be hearing
from me soon enough.
M: Have a good year, author-man. And I really mean it.
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