time for love
up in a changing world
GZO Jones offers sage and candid monthly advice on life, love
and relationships. He corresponds from Brazil while recovering from
a series of health setbacks that may or may not be related to the
1960s. Find out more at the new GZO
Jones Town Web site, and feel free to ask Dr. Jones anything.
You got a problem with that?
Dear Dr. Jones,
Ever since the tragedy in New York, Ive been, um
cant get it up. I wasnt there and dont know anybody
who was, so it isnt exactly trauma. Still, whats wrong
Crestfallen in Portland
Dear Mr. C,
Nothing is wrong with you that isnt shared by all men
of any nation throughout history.
Romantic outlaw-type that I am, Ive never really loved
the USA, and Im sure the feeling is mutual (especially, as
you can imagine, with all the merry pranks Kesey and I pulled).
But everything changed when Jack Kennedy died. And patriotism, in
my humble opinion, is for the birds although I understand
the power of a good national symbol.
Man has always erected monuments to celebrate freedom, virility
and conquest. My, arent we witty?
Regardless, Sept. 11 saw the fall of two of the mightiest symbols
of all taking with them the national winkie (although from
up close, it always was an ugly pair of buildings). Im sure
the same problem was had by the people of Babel, Rhodes and Alexandria
when their great towers, colossi and lighthouses were tumbled. Even
Pompeii, in somewhat similar fashion, got it and got it good. And
it was the same story in the Soviet Bloc when the Berlin Wall fell.
I was there and would bet my first-edition John Hancocked copy of
On the Road that if you wouldve gone a-knockin,
the dacha would NOT have been a-rockin.
Hell, Im no Dr. Ruth, but heres your advice: Other
than a strong hunch that you watch far too much television, I suggest
taking your mind off recent events by visiting some of the many
standing odes to our temperamental little buddy: the Washington
Monument, the Empire State Building, the Space Needle. You get the
idea. You can even do it right here on the Web you can beat
a lot of things, but you cant beat Google.
Extra credit: Take a lady friend to the Columbia Gorge (so beautiful
this time of year!), the Chesapeake Bay Bridge Tunnel or the Grand
Tetons and see how that inspires her. Turn the situation
to your advantage! Enjoy!
Dear Dr. Jones,
My husband and I have three kids, 2-1/2 jobs and no spare time.
These days we seem to be fighting around the clock and were
both going nuts. Help!
Time is Tight
You seem to already be heading in the right direction, but
let me say it out loud: DATE NIGHT.
Date night. Make time for each other, out of the house and away
from the kids. For revitalizing a marriage, if anything surpasses
date night (with the possible exception of a bisexual 20-year-old
armed with a bottle of baby oil and an Olympic bronze in womens
gymnastics), Ill eat my sweaty Panama hat. So book your babysitter,
pronto! Just dont, for the sake of marital longevity, involve
that pretty little kid-sitter in your newfound fun (this from the
department of dont do as I do ...).
Dear Dr. Jones,
Im a high school senior who has recently discovered for sure
I am gay. Im not ashamed, but I want to come out without freaking
everybody out. How should I spill it?
Sorry to break it to you, comrade, but they already know. Thats
right. The freshmen know, your drama club knows, the lunch ladies
know. Hell, your dog knows.
Ive palled around with more gay cats than Liberace and
Rock Hudson combined (In fact, I once found myself at a moderately
swinging party with the both of them, plus Jack La Lanne and
Judy fucking Garland ...), and I just call it Facchinis Corollary
to Murphys Law: With any dirty secret, everyone already
knows except the people you most want to know.
Coming out at a pep rally might get you razzed, but at least
it would be easy. Telling even the most understanding of friends,
relatives and teachers can be almost impossible. My advice: take
it easy. Dont bust out with your loved ones, and
youll find they can be receptive to anything you might have